January 2020: Volume 20 - Issue 4

WE ALL GET OLD IN THE END...

• I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
• Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
• You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
• I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
• I decided to stop calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
• Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
• The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
• I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
• Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
• Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
• Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
• At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
• Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
• I don't have to go to school or work and I get an allowance every month.
• I have my own pad and I don't have a curfew.
• I have a driver's license and my own car.
• The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne.
• Life is great!
• I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
• Now, I'm wondering, "did I send this to you, or did you send it to me"?