An Arab enters a taxi..........
Once he's seated, he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio.
He
explains...he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in
the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music
which is the music of the infidel's and certainly no radio .......
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and
opens the back door.
The Arab asks him: "What are you doing, man?"
The cabby answers: "In
the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
So get out and wait for a camel."
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I
went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new
nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get
undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me .
She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After
putting on the gown that she gave me, I sat down. While waiting I
observed That there were three items on a stand next to the exam
table:
A
Tube of K-Y jelly * A rubber glove * And a beer.
When the
doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little
confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for And I
know what the glove is for, But can you tell me what the BEER is
for?
At that
Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door
He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . . .
Dang it Evelyn !!!
I said a BUTT LIGHT "!
p.s.
sorta like a "Pabst" Smear
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This is a story that is perfectly
logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband,
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of
milk.
And
if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
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Wrong E-Mail Address
Submitted by Joan Siegl Rudolph class of 1961
A
Minneapolis
couple decided to go to
Florida
to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at
the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
travel plans. So, the husband left
Minnesota
and flew to
Florida
on Thursday with his wife planning to fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a
computer in his room, so he decided to send and E-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her E-mail address.
Without realizing his error, he sent the E-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in
Houston
, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a
minister who was called "home to glory" following a heart
attack. The widow decided to check her E-mail messages from relatives
and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and
fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room and found his mother one
floor. He saw the computer screen that read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: January 19, 2010
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They
have computers here now and you are allowed to send E-mails to your
loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that
everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking
forward to seeing you then!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as
mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arizona
tan line
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This
one is dedicated to everyone who ever taught school, parented
children, or
served their country.
A former sergeant, having served
his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job
as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he
injured his
back.
He was required to wear a plaster
cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately,
the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first
day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the
school.
These punks, having already heard
the new teacher was a former
Marine, were leery of him and
decided to see how tough he really was, before trying
any pranks.
Walking
confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher
opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie
flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled
the tie to his chest.
...Dead silence...He had no
trouble with discipline that year.
SEMPER FI!!
When
you are feeling rushed and in a hurry, maybe it is time to stop and
appreciate the wonder all around you
These photos are from Thursday, Feb. 17 by someone from Centurion in
Pilanesberg game reserve,
South Africa
The guy in the white Volkswagen was trying to get past the elephant...
Road rage, it affects
us all
Why Men Die First
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young
New York
woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing
herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from
the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a
sailor, and we are off to
Italy
tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring
you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always
wanted to go to
Italy
, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid
her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on,
every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine,
and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered
by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to
Italy
."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of
her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This
is the
Staten Island
Ferry.
Thanks to Henry Lichtenstein for the following...
